When you are about to become a new parent, it’s hard to imagine what life with your baby will be like. You might dream of days filled with cuddles, a few feeds, maybe a nice walk in the park and plenty of time in between to do whatever. When your newborn actually arrives, however, your days suddenly feel both incredibly full and weirdly repetitive at the same time.
As a dad, it can be especially confusing at first. You want to be as involved as you possibly can, help and present, but no one really explains what life with a newborn baby looks like hour to hour so it can be hard to get it right, right? So, what do you actually do with a newborn all day?
The honest answer is a pretty simple one; you care for them. You respond to them. You slowly learn their rhythm and adapt your own life to it. But, it is fair to say that within all of that there is a structure that begins to emerge, too…
The feed, change, settle loop
Most newborn days revolve around a repeating cycle.
Feed. Change. Settle. Repeat.
It might not sound like much, but this loop can take up most of your day. Feeding alone can take time, especially in the early weeks. Then there are nappy changes, outfit changes, and the process of settling your baby back to sleep.
Before you know it, you are starting the cycle again.
As a dad, this is where you can really step in. Even if you are not doing the feeding itself, you can take over burping, changing, settling, and everything in between.
It may feel repetitive, but it is also where connection builds, so it is worth every second.
Understanding the “awake time”
It is a fact that newborn babies really do not stay awake for very long at all. In fact, one of the most useful things to learn as a parent early on is the idea of baby wake windows.
The baby wake window is the short period of time when the baby is awake between sleeps and it often lasts between 30 minutes to one hour in those early days just after the baby’s birth.
During this time, your baby is not looking for you to entertain them in the same way that an older child probably would be. They are just taking their time adjusting to the world and seeing what it is all about.
So, your role during baby wake time is not to fill every second with activity, but to support them as they wonder at the world around them.
What can you actually do during awake time?
This is often the part dads wonder about most. What do you do during baby awake time?
The answer is surprisingly low-key. You can hold them, talk to them, make eye contact, and let them hear your voice. Even something as simple as narrating what you are doing can be engaging for a newborn.
Skin-to-skin contact is also powerful. It helps with bonding and can be incredibly calming for both of you.
You might gently walk around the house, show them different rooms, or sit near a window and let them take in light and movement.
It does not need to be complicated.
Getting out of the house
There are lots of things you can do in your baby wake windows that will help your baby to adjust and learn, but one of the best things for not only the baby, but also you as parents, is to get out of the house.
Just a short walk with the pram is a really good way to break up your day, get a change of scenery, and let your baby start seeing more of the world around them. The fresh air is also great for helping your baby to settle, and boosting your mental health too, which is a great little bonus.
As a dad, taking your baby for a walk also gives your partner a chance to rest and have some time to themselves, which can be really important for them in the tough weeks after giving birth. So, although it might seem like a really small thing to do, it actually isn’t.
Supporting sleep (even when it feels impossible)
Newborn sleep can feel pretty unpredictable, but it is important that you do all you can to support their sleep as best you can. This could mean that you spend time rocking them, holding them, or walking with them to help them settle when they are awake. You may need to do this in shifts with our partner so you can both get some rest too.
You might not always get this process right and that is okay. What really matters is that you are always as present as possible and as responsive as possible when your baby needs you.
As time goes by, it will get easier because you will start to recognise patterns in the way your baby acts and reacts and what they need ot help them settle, but in the beginning, it is mainly about being responsive to yur baby in thr moment as and when their needs arise.
Taking care of the practical stuff
A big part of what you do with a newborn is not directly about the baby. It is about everything else. Laundry, dishes, meals, tidying up, sorting supplies. These tasks might not feel glamorous, but they are essential.
By taking on these responsibilities, you create space for your partner to focus on recovery and feeding, and for both of you to focus on your baby. This is a huge part of being an involved dad, and one that is sure to be very much appreciated.
As you can see, there is lots to do with and around a newborn baby and it can feel like a lot, but if you get into a routine and you are organised, it need not be too difficult, although it’s never exactly easy in those early days either! Happy dad-ding!
