I’d make a terrible wife

wife, drag queen, stay at home dad

There are many reasons I’d make a terrible wife. The fact I’d probably look a bit like this drag queen is just one of them. Pic credit below.

A couple of times recently the comment’s been that I’m the “wife” in my relationship. This is, needless to say, a reference to the fact I’m a stay at home dad.

Part of me thinks that’s quite an unthinking and offensive comment to make. I may do most of the childcare and housework, but this does not make me a wife.

Although I could get offended by that remark, I actually think it’s quite funny. I’ve given it some thought and produced  a list of ways that demonstrates I am clearly not the wife in my relationship:

1) Starting with the obvious, I do not have breasts, a vagina, ovaries or any of the other physical attributes you would reasonably assume a wife to have.

2) Unlike my wife, I have never been pregnant or experienced giving birth (although I did give gas and air a go during the birth of baby number one).

3) Unlike me, my wife has never used a urinal.

4) Although regular readers will know I shamelessly use skincare products, I do not, and never will, own a make-up collection (and you should see my wife’s, it’s huge and can often be found untidily spread across the house).

5) I do not have an engagement ring.

6) I have never worn a pair of four inch LK Bennet heels. Thankfully.

7) My wife does not blog about family life, she gets written about instead.

8) My wife will tell people how marvellous our petrol lawn mower is, and yet she has never used it. I have used the petrol lawn mower, and I do not enjoy it. I concede, however, that the petrol lawnmower must seem like a great device if someone else uses it, cleans it and maintains it.

So there we go, from vaginas to petrol lawn mowers, there are a few reasons why I’d make a terrible wife. Why would you make a terrible wife or husband? Please leave a comment below with your own ideas, I’m sure you’ll come up with some creative ones!

The List

Pic credit: Joe Mabel. Image reproduced under Creative Commons 3.0 agreement. For links to the various Creative commons agreements please see my disclosure page.

 

 

 

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17 Comments

  1. Matthew
    December 31, 2014 / 9:46 am

    You should never give up on your dreams but this is an exception to the rule. Sounds like you would make a terrible wife – as would I. This is mainly because I moan and struggle with man flu. Any real pain (like child birth, period cramps or hair plucking) would probably kill me.

    I’d end up on one of those channel 5 documentaries: The Wife Who Felt Pain Like a Husband

    • John Adams
      Author
      January 1, 2015 / 5:59 am

      Oh yes, the differing pain thresholds between men and women. If I were capable of giving birth I’ll tell you now…I’d be having an electice c section for every birth.

  2. December 31, 2014 / 10:15 am

    I love that you wouldn’t take offence to the comment because there’s nothing offensive in it. You are an incredible father and brilliant blogger and an inspiration to many. Happy New Year and here’s to a cracking one for us all! Been bloody wonderful getting to know you more this year, hope we can collaborate more in 2015!

    • John Adams
      Author
      January 1, 2015 / 6:01 am

      What a fantastic comment and I concede that I do look at your blogging acticvities and marvel at how you do it! Here’s is to the most amazing 2015. Let’s make it an amazing year

  3. January 1, 2015 / 8:05 am

    Great list.
    I would make a good husband because I don’t wear make-up and DO use the petrol lawnmower, but I’d make a bad one because I don’t feel the need to watch every football match that is ever on the telly. However, my husband makes a better wife than me because he can tidy the house better than I can.

  4. January 9, 2015 / 8:59 am

    I’d make a terrible husband because I never leave damp bath towels on the bed or leave loose change all over the place.

    #TheList

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

    • John Adams
      Author
      January 9, 2015 / 9:40 am

      In this household, it’s my wife who needs reminding about the towels. Although I am responsible for leaving loose change lying around.

  5. January 9, 2015 / 9:06 am

    That picture is hilarious!!! Fab post – love that your wife makes reference to the lawn mower but probably (possibly) like me has no idea how to even start the thing!

    • John Adams
      Author
      January 9, 2015 / 9:39 am

      My word, I’d love to see Mrs Adams start the lawnmower. I’d have to film it and put it on YouTube. That said, she was always very good at using a little electric Flymo befopre we moved in together.

  6. January 9, 2015 / 9:35 am

    Now surely it’s a compliment to be called a ‘wife’ ha! Well I would make a terrible husband, certainly for #8 alone – there is no way I’m cleaning a lawnmower. That said, I hate cleaning full stop so I’m perhaps a terrible wife too – oh dear! Great post. Mim 🙂 #TheList

    • John Adams
      Author
      January 9, 2015 / 9:38 am

      To be honest, I’m awful at cleaning too…but only because I’m so busy blogging!

  7. January 9, 2015 / 9:39 am

    Love this! I think my man may be a good wife mind. He HAS worn high heels before. We share the same size feet and we were walking home from a party and my feet were in agony. He offered to swap. I got his trainers and he got my heels. He looked good in them too. Give him a wet shave and throw in a vagina and I reckon he’d be a lush wife! Xx

  8. January 9, 2015 / 6:46 pm

    I wish I had a wife! She would get my clothes to and from the cleaners, make my meals, deal with all the kid crap (forms, flu, chaos), tidy up after me and make the bed. Consider being called the wife a compliment. They are indispensable!
    #TheList

  9. January 11, 2015 / 6:49 pm

    My hubby works full time but he is still a better wife than I am…oooppps! Love how random this is! 😉 Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList x

  10. January 11, 2015 / 7:31 pm

    LOL!!!!! Such a lovely and funny read. You’ve got me thinking now … what sort of husband would I make. I’ve actually thought about this before and thought I’ll make a quite a caring one. However, after reading your post and thinking about all the man things I lack, I’ll stay contented being wife and not husband.

    🙂 #TheList