Adultery, relationships and the SAHD

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SAHD, relationships, cheating, adultery, dads, fathers, mums, mothers, main carers,
Selecting an image that depicts adultery that doesn’t leave you open to the risk of getting sued for libel is very difficult…so here’s a picture of some lips. Photo credit below.

The other day an intriguing tweet appeared in my twitter timeline. It linked to a blog post that claimed stay at home dads in relationships are five times more likely to commit adultery than their female counterparts. I had to read the post to see for myself exactly what this claim was based on.

At first I was irate. The post seemed to be playing up to the old stereotype that all men are heartless, philanderers. Once I’d calmed down, I began to see the funny side.

For the purposes of this blog post, I will describe myself as a stay at home dad (I prefer main carer but that’s another story). The idea that I could be tearing round the neighbourhood having ‘bonky treats’ left right and centre with other women is, frankly, laughable.

Like any stay at home dad, I spend more time around women than most of my peers. It’s also true that I’m at home considerably more than my wife. This doesn’t, however, provide me with greater opportunities to play away from home, far from it in fact. If I disappeared out the house to an office job at 7am and returned 12 hours later I could be getting up to all manner of naughtiness in-between.

When I am at home there is usually one, if not two, children with me. When I am on my own, a depressing amount of time is spent cruising supermarket aisles, not to pick up women but to pick up lettuces, carrots and on a good day, a bottle or two of Malbec.

Then there’s the time spent on the school run. This takes up far too much of my life and cannot be avoided. I usually leave it too late and end up part running, part walking through the school gates. I don’t generally end up looking very cool, calm or collected.

The rest of my life is spent cooking, cleaning, doing homework, doing household admin and so on. I may also be dashing to swimming lessons or Monkey Music. I am certainly not dashing round to meet women for shallow, meaningless, easy sex.

Anyway, I don’t believe us SAHDs / main carers are any more likely to stray than our female counterparts. I’m sure it happens, but five times more likely? I very much doubt it.

Photo: Walt Stoneburner. Reproduced under creative commons agreement.

14 thoughts on “Adultery, relationships and the SAHD”

  1. Tom @Ideas4Dads

    Lol I think youve illustrated something my mate once said to his wife when we were all put for dinner and his Mrs said to him that if he had an affair the other party better keep the receipt as they would soon bring him back. He responded ‘I’m too tired to have an affair and anyway when would I have the time?’

  2. Those news/statistics are not always accurate no? Its a bit depressing to be stereotyped. But in the end you know the truth that you are a good husband and father & that is what matters.


    1. I am of the opinion the author of the original blog post completely misinterpreted the statistics. If I’ve understood correctly, the study was into men whose partners earn more than they do, not SAHDs. Whether you’re male or female, I just don’t think you’re that likely to go having an affair if you hold the babies simply because it’d be very difficult to do so!

  3. Ha – what a funny study! Based on my 16 months’ experience I doubt any full-time parent, male or female, has time, energy or inclination to conduct an affair! 🙂
    Most people I meet now see me with my hair a mess, clothes covered in snot and running around after my boy, brandishing a wet wipe… Not sure whose adulterous fantasies that would fulfil?!

    1. This has been the subject of discussion amongst my friends and the consensus is that people in full time employment have much greater opportunity to stray. It is not us parents who are often covered in our children’s bodily fluids.

  4. Pingback: Adultery, relationships and the SAHD | Love All Dads – A Blog to Showcase Dad Blogs

  5. Good post! Interesting topic and well done for addressing it. Seems that anyone not at home seems to think that male/female if we are at home we must have such fun doing nothing or or up to no good. Who has the time or energy really. If I can make it through 2014 with my socks matching every day for week I’ll be happy :0)

  6. “I have spare time so I’ll grab myself an affair”…I don’t think it works like that.

    “I resent my partner for having more time with adults / children / earning more than me so I’ll grab myself an affair”…I don’t think it works like that either.

    To be honest I think the angle is wrong, and the suggestions given are secondary issues. If there is a crack in an existing relationship, then the above won’t help and might lead to an affair (or some other insane activity).

    In a good loving relationship, where one is happy for the other and each celebrates in each others’ success (measurable in time spent with children / adults or finance or whatever), quite simply, the desire to look outside the relationship wouldn’t be there in the first place.

    Just my 2 pennies…

    1. I agree entirely Paul. I’m inclined to think affairs happen when a relationship is in trouble, not simply because one of the partners spends more time at home.

  7. Very interesting topic. But I have to agree with you, either the woman or the man could stray if the relationship is in trouble. I think the tweet you came across, to assume men are the likiest culprit to cheat is absurd. Woman can be just as easily tempted.

    Great post, as always Hun. Thanks so much for sharing #madmidweekblophop

    1. Yup, adultery is more about a relationship being in trouble, not about who does the housework. There endeth my sermon.

  8. Christ, I don’t think I can fit an affair in. I’d have to find a babysitter to start with.

    Besides, even assuming I had the energy left, where would I find someone who was into blokes that smell just the tiniest bit like child vomit?

  9. Pingback: Welcome to my untidy home | Dad Blog UKWelcome to my untidy home - Dad Blog UK

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