The summer holidays have ended and the autumn school term has begun. This means one thing; an onslaught of articles in various media outlets featuring lists of the “10 kinds of mum you will meet in the school playground”.
To my surprise, this is an unexpected benefit of being a stay at home dad (SAHD). You simply don’t feature on these dreadful lists.
Us SAHDs are able to stand back and watch in astonishment as the most astounding misogyny-fest takes place right before our eyes. Personally speaking, the stereotyping I’ve seen over recent days has been unreal.
I had no intention of writing a blog post on this subject, considering it far too bland. A friend then told me about an article in a local newspaper about 10 types of mum you find in the school playground. I read the article and, as expected, found it exceedingly tedious.
I was writing a comment to this effect on the newspaper’s website when I discovered it had been reproduced by another publication, only the location names had been changed! As I was doing this, an acquaintance forwarded me a media release she had just been sent. The smart ones among you have probably guessed what it featured. Yes, that’s right, it was a list of 10 mums you could expect to find in the school playground!
I could take no more. I just had to put pen to paper. Or, should I say, finger to keyboard.
These puerile stereotypes are all the same. The “gym bunny mum” wears Lycra, the “working mum” is busy on her Blackberry and her kid misses out on playdates, the “PTA mum” knows everyone in the playground but is stand-offish etc. I really can’t continue because it causes me too much pain to repeat these tired old lists that are all the same, they just feature a different combination of words.
In a strange way, it reminds me of a radio interview I heard Ozzy Osbourne give some years ago. Asked about the fragmentation of the heavy metal scene, he seemed slightly bewildered (what, Ozzy Obourne, surely not?). He said there was an increasing trend for bands to pigeon-hole themselves in bizarre genres. He joked there was a “taxi driver metal and a washing machine metal”, the inference being they were all rock bands and should concentrate on playing music without limiting themselves with certain, rigid expectations.
Frightening thought it may be, but wouldn’t it be great if we could apply Osbourne’s logic to parenting? In other words, stop nodding your head in agreement with these stereotypes and get on with raising your children.
Comparisons with a bewildered Ozzy Osbourne aside, there is a further and very serious point to be made here. These stereotypes do nothing to put the nervous mother, or indeed father’s, mind at rest.
When my eldest daughter started school I found the playground an incredibly daunting place. I hadn’t been in a school playground in over 20 years.
My main priority was ensuring my child was settled into school. Second to that, I had to get myself settled into school life because, as a parent, you have to get involved in that community whether you want to or not.
I am fortunate to be a reasonably confident person. Even so, I found the playgorund a struggle. I cannot imagine what it must be like for a mum who has low self-esteem to fight against such appalling stereotypes that are, nine times out of 10, meant to be “tongue in cheek”.
Such stereotypes are anything but tongue in cheek. They’re unhelpful and negative. Above all else, however, they are so B-O-R-I-N-G.
What do you think? Are mum or even dad stereotypes amusing? Is there truth in them? Do you think it’s acceptable to stereotype people in the playground in this way?
Pic credit: Alberto Cabello. Reproduced under Creative Commons agreement.
14 thoughts on “Ten types of mum you’ll find in the playground? Please get a grip.”
Hear hear! I am truly fed up with the pigeon-holing of mums and dads into rigid sterotypes. It benefits no one but the writers who publish these lists purely for click bait.
When my daughter was about to start preschool I happened across a couple of similar lists and managed to wind myself up into a knot of apprehension at the thought of meeting any of these other mums. I imagined myself being ignored by the playground clique or laughed at by the trendy mums for not coming up to scratch in the style stakes, when in reality my experience has been nothing like that. Every parent I’ve met has been friendly and welcoming and I’m sure the same can be said for schools across the country. But that doesn’t make for such salacious reading does it.
I think you’re correct. If dads did end up featuring on these lists I can imagine what they’d be like: ‘unemployed dad’ / ‘single dad’ / ‘stay at home dad’ / ‘DILF’. The stereotypes would be as bad as the mums have to tolerate!
Interesting point. I do find them mildly amusing, but I don’t go round the playground trying to identify them or pigeonhole myself. Even after 10 years of hanging round the same playground I still lack confidence and still usually stand on my own – maybe people have decided I’m the ‘wrong’ sort of mum?!
Ah, Splendid Isolation. I sometimes go for that option too.
Every parent just looks like they’re in a big rush to me, trying to keep their child nice and clean, holding their water bottles, finding somewhere to park. The ones able to observe the different stereotypes probably have a kid swinging about from a tree they’re not supposed to I reckon!
Bit different at our school. The mornings are a rush but the afternoons a little more relaxed.
To me they’re just a bit of fun. I certainly don’t go to school working out who fits into who but it’s part of good relationships to be able to work out people’s values and interests and therefore be able to adapt the way you talk and act around them just like it can be in the workplace to get the best out of the relationship or just learn to watch what you say if they’re the gossip and you don’t want your business all over the playground.
I’ve found it fine in the playground but then I already knew a lot of the parents from nursery, family and other friends. But then I do feel a little left out as they’re probably getting to know each other better while I only pick up once a week and N gets dropped off early club 3 times a week. I have condensed time with only 3 opportunities to meet people
Interesting observation. When Helen started school she was an anomaly. Absolutely no one from her nursery was going to the same school, which was odd because in previous years they had done. As a result, she had to start from scratch socially and I was also left on my own, knowing no one whatsoever. Most of the other kids and parents knew a handful of other people, not Helen or I!
As I’ve commented in several groups where these lists are published they all miss off number 11. The bitchy mum. The one who writes these lists, that judges others on their appearance rather than getting to know anyone and the only one who should be avoided at all costs
Thankfully, Suzanne, I don’t think I fit into that category!
Interesting Views. I often think the people that write these articles have no experience of taking children to school or dare I say, may not even have children.
Researching for articles is one thing, but personal experience is a whole different ball game.
Thanks for sharing #effitfriday
I will guarantee you when these lists appear in newspapers they’ve been authored by people who have probably only just left school, such is the young age of most news reporters today!
So guess what post I finished a few days ago and WAS going to link to #effitfriday instead of my Syria post? Yep you’ve guessed right. Thing is the last few months, I’ve come across so many posts similar to something I was about to write or had started writing. Frankly, is there any such thing as an original idea?
My ‘types of parent’ post (which I’ve not published yet, lucky you lol) isn’t tongue in cheek and really is based on the ‘types’ (and I’m one or a few of them I admit) that I’ve encountered these last 8 years so why not write about it? I thought the click bait comment in this thread was quite interesting. We (hopefully) mainly write about things we genuinely want to write about…but also if I’m not mistaken, we write so that people will read our posts. Since when did wanting clicks to a post (instead of having it disappear into an abyss) become a bad thing? What’s the point of having a blog if people aren’t clicking and reading?!
Definitely an interesting post though. Right, I’m off to crawl into a hole after tearing mine up, lol. Thanks for linking to #effitfriday John. Always enjoy your stuff.
Ha ha ha ha ha! What can I say? I will say this though, I’ve got no issue with “10 types of…” posts. I write enough of them myself. This whole 10 types of mum in the playground thing ‘though has been repeated and rehashed to breaking point.
I’m all for writing in a away that attracts readers. I think we all need to be wary of falling into certain “writer’s traps” though. Thanks for hosting #effitfriday