Every now and again, my children come home from school and mention something about their day that knocks me sideways. One such occasion happened earlier this week when Helen, my nine-year-old, came home talking about Katy Perry.
“We learned about self esteem in PSHE today daddy,” she said (Personal, Social and Health Education for anyone unfamiliar with the acronym).
I instantly had one of those awkward dad moments. My synapses started firing as I quickly thought about all the conversations we’d had over the years. Had we done enough to address self-esteem, body confidence and other related issues?
I didn’t want a repeat of the time she came home following a PSHE lesson when she was in reception class and I was caught completely off guard. The class had a lesson about marriage and relationships, and she’d come home declaring; “men can marry men and women can marry women.”
We’d had discussions about same sex relationships at home, we’d simply never discussed same sex marriage. I spoke to her teacher the following day. I asked exactly what was said to ensure we were using the same language at home to avoid any confusion.
You’re probably wondering what Katy Perry has got to do with all of this. Helen informed me they’d watched a video in class that featured a photographer working on an image of Katy Perry. It showed the process as a straight out-of-camera image of Perry was manipulated using editing software. Blemishes and marks were removed, her neck was thinned and the colour of her eyes altered so they looked more prominent (for clarity, I have no reason to believe Perry knows of this video or endorses the resulting images).
Helen had found it fascinating. I asked her what she thought of the process. Using the blunt honesty of a child, she said it was “lying.”
I felt the need to explore this issue in more depth. I am a blogger and I use Instagram and Pinterest. Helen sees me using a camera all the time. In fact, she’s seen me taking pictures so often that she’s learned how to take a pretty good photograph herself using a DSLR camera.
I explained that I edit pictures. I told her that I might remove shadows or remove fluff and creases from clothes. This, Helen concluded, was simply improving the photograph. She made clear that to do anything further would be a step too far.
Ethical arguments to one side, the rather amusing point I have to make is that my photo-editing skills simply don’t stretch to removing blemishes or thinning necks. Well, yeah, okay, I could remove blemishes and thin a person’s neck or figure, but they’d look like they’d had plastic surgery at the local butcher’s shop.
I welcome the fact issues like this are discussed in school. Nonetheless, I’ve always felt such discussions should start at home.
I sometimes feel like the school system is placed under a massive burden. In addition to literacy, mathematics and the other traditional subjects, issues such as citizenship, self-esteem and financial education have all crept on to the curriculum.
I recall chatting with some parents a while ago about the divisive issue of sex education. One mum was waiting for the subject to come up at school before she discussed it with her kids, the eldest of which is now in double figures.
I was genuinely shocked by this. Surely home is where such discussions should start, school should complement them?
My wife and I have had lots of discussions about positive body image, self-esteem and not feeling pressured to look or behave a certain way. During that lesson about self-esteem, however, Helen’s teacher had done a superb job.
He had made the subject engaging and relevant. He’d added real value to the discussion and it’s a discussion we shall continue to have at home.
Have you discussed self-esteem or similar subjects with your children? Do you think school is the correct place to talk about these things or is it around the dinner table at home? Please do share your thoughts in a comment below or on social media when you’ll find me on most channels as @dadbloguk.
3 thoughts on “Teaching self-esteem: Is school the correct place to do it?”
I agree. This kind of thing should be taught at home. But unfortunately not every parent does it, or teaches in a fair and neutral, factually correct way. Teachers should be teaching academic things, maybe supplemented by themes along the way. We didn’t have PSE or whatever it is. We had the year 7 puberty chat. Nothing at primary. My mum talked us through and gave us a puberty book when we were about 8 at home. In year 10/11 our PE lesson became a rotation across different areas like minor sports, first aid and then ‘sex, drugs, rock and roll’. Yes that really was what they called it. A bit of everything. Now there seems so much more to cover with social media and celebrity fandom, that I don’t know how schools find time to educate. I was lucky. I didn’t get taught self esteem but my mum was matter of fact about everything, I knew what I was good at, I was praised for good things, encouraged when needed. In those days we all admired our parents (mine was widowed and brought 2 kids up alone). It was easier to have good self esteem.
I’m not specifically teaching N about self esteem. He is pretty confident at the moment of what he can do (in the way a 7yo is). But I make sure hes aware of those around him, his strengths and why others might be better. He’s quite down to earth though so I don’t think he’ll have too many issues. I hope
Awesome! A teacher’s opinion! And what timing with the chief school inspector saying over the weekend that teachers should be educating children and not parenting them? What an amazing job your mother did, dealing with being a widow and raising kids as well. That must have been very tough.
Interesting point you raise about not every parent discussing PSHE subjects in a fair, neutral, balanced way. I imagine that can lead to difficulties.
It’s hard to decide what should and shouldn’t be in the curriculum. There are so many subjects that are valuable, but at the same time, kids are graduating from high school (US) without basic reading, grammar and math skills. Daily physical education classes are a thing of the past, and all the while the childhood obesity and diabetes rates are skyrocketing. If nutrition was taught in schools, though, would it be accurate? There are so many differing opinions on that, as 5 minutes on Twitter will show. Etiquette would be a great subject, and relevant as it is a factor in getting ahead in business. From what I read and hear from parents, there seems to be a lot of wasted time in their children’s school day. Perhaps schools should just stick to academic subjects daily, and squeeze in some “extras” from time to time.